I thought this story introduced fear too soon, to me, at least, the girl should not have felt fear just walking on a deserted road at night. Her thoughts there might have been more focused on the fight with her boyfriend. There could be foreshadowing, which I felt the author intended, but it needs to be more subtle. It would seem, she'd be relieved to get a ride, that late, and that far out, at night, until something made her anxious. I am not sure what the author is trying to say the ice cream is made of, but badly flavored ice cream would draw unwanted attention to the vendor. It may be as simple as a little editing and revision, but I felt this story is not quite finished.
4/3/2012 6:24:00 PM
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