Picture of Immortal: Becoming A King

For the past three hundred years, the country of Gregoriea was led by a monarch handed down from mother to daughter. But now, after the death of his mother three years ago and with his father's passing three months before Dremison is faced with the prospect of becoming king on the day that he officially becomes an adult, his thirteenth birthday. 

 

This short story that is part of The Immortal series that I am writing.

Product Specifications
Word Count 1691
File Format Book will be delivered as a PDF download.
Current rating is 2.33. Total votes 3.
Rate this Item:
 
$0.00
Product reviews
Obviously Written By A Twelve Year Old
This was... terrible, to be honest. It showed some potential, perhaps, if it had been written by another author. I mean, a kingdom where only women are allowed to rule and the people are apparently telepathic and can, form what I inferred from something read, teleport anywhere in the world? Yet none of that is explored at all. In all five pages the only thing that happens is that a twelve year old boy worries he might not be able to be king. That's it. Nothing else. There are run on sentences, awkward grammar, and a complete lack of plot... If it wasn't free I'd say it's not worth it all.

Also, I'm completely confused as to what time period this takes place in. There's still a monarchy with absolute power reigning, but there's talk about American presidents?

There was a lot of hidden potential in this story, it just... it needs to have a better writer to bring it out.

From: Caitee Fox | Created on: 12/17/2011 5:45:23 PM

Was this review helpful? Yes  No (1 / 1)