Picture of Love Has No Color

This is the story about an interracial love affair that grew strong and intense, nothing could keep them apart. Until one late night Shaylan's heart was shattered when tragedy unfold.

 

Danny and Shaylan’s feelings grew stronger and more intense,
this love kept them fighting to stay together, because some of
Danny’s family and friends didn’t exactly welcome it with open
arms, in fact, it was some type of bad tabeau or something. One
of Danny’s friends, Christopher confronted Shaylan one day; and told her it
would be better if  she stayed away from Danny, because their
relationship would not work. Shaylan didn’t think he believed that
himself or he wouldn’t have had to tell her this. Shaylan didn’t tell
Danny about this one; she wanted to keep peace.

 

Product Specifications
Word Count 3323
File Format Book will be delivered as a PDF download.
Current rating is 2.00. Total votes 1.
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I suggest you read your story, and write down the events as they are written.  It seems Sandy and Tom come out of nowhere, and the reader doesn't get to know who they are until later.  It would seem that the pregnancy and the romance comes out of the same weekend.  You need to add a bit right there, talking about how the romance bloomed from the first weekend, into a love affair that would include a child.  Also, if you feel that being upset at being told a relationship is moving too fast could cause a miscarriage, you might want to elaborate on what Sandy said, like give a description of the conversation, so that your readers could understand why you might think it was so upsetting.  Was there a physical altercation?  Also, focus on your dialogue, a bit more.  It just needs smoothed out.  Maybe add to the conflict, by showing some of the forces that might be at work against a biracial relationship (there are many), and some of the misunderstandings that might arise as a couple try to overcome different experiences and pressures in order to be a loving couple.  Above all, don't give up!  Keep working on refining it, give more details about the areas of the apartment that upset your Shaylan, and why, stuff like that.  Best of luck, to you!

From: Spring Free | Created on: 3/28/2012 8:03:46 PM

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