I suggest you read your story, and write down the events as they are written. It seems Sandy and Tom come out of nowhere, and the reader doesn't get to know who they are until later. It would seem that the pregnancy and the romance comes out of the same weekend. You need to add a bit right there, talking about how the romance bloomed from the first weekend, into a love affair that would include a child. Also, if you feel that being upset at being told a relationship is moving too fast could cause a miscarriage, you might want to elaborate on what Sandy said, like give a description of the conversation, so that your readers could understand why you might think it was so upsetting. Was there a physical altercation? Also, focus on your dialogue, a bit more. It just needs smoothed out. Maybe add to the conflict, by showing some of the forces that might be at work against a biracial relationship (there are many), and some of the misunderstandings that might arise as a couple try to overcome different experiences and pressures in order to be a loving couple. Above all, don't give up! Keep working on refining it, give more details about the areas of the apartment that upset your Shaylan, and why, stuff like that. Best of luck, to you!
3/28/2012 8:03:46 PM
Was this review helpful?