Picture of Friend or Foe

 A tale of stark contrast

As Dan snuggled into the arms of an old cedar scrub, he saw the most amazing light show dance across the Grand Canyon.   The sun lowered his tired head into the soft pillowy clouds at the end of this majestic old canyon and began closing his eyes  As the twilight slowly subsided, the skies over this wonderful old canyon slowly began coming to life. First, a few stars began to open their eyes and blink a warm hello at Dan and as he smiled at each and blinked back at them, they called to their friends, and slowly more and more of them opened their eyes. In thirty minutes time a billion stars shined down on him as if to warm his heart and say "welcome friend" and then they blinked a loving adieu to the sun.

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Word Count 3175
File Format Book will be delivered as a PDF download.
Current rating is 3.00. Total votes 2.
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What happened?
I liked this story, but I have to ask, what happened?  What happened to the man who would kill someone who hurt you and make him become someone whose gun you feared?  Was it an illness, some tragedy, a series of unfortunate events, the loss of someone he loved, tell your readers!  Where is your brilliant brother on this night you slept with one eye open?  You also need to watch, your apostrophes were quotation marks and such, and it made for an unnecessary distraction.  You should mention to your readers, and it does happen, that if that wind you were leaning into decided to stop, you would plummet to your death!  Also, watch the overuse of the term "friend," maybe best buddy, or casual acquaintance, or pal, would relay the idea of comfortable friendliness to contrast with the stark cold of the night, without becoming too much of an echo.  Don't give up!  I like the story!  Best of Luck to ya!

From: Spring Free | Created on: 3/28/2012 9:09:04 PM

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