Picture of Garden Of Eavin

 A small, isolated mythical town called Eavin is populated by smiling Christians who obey their pastor; they never venture outside the town's borders. One day, however, a stranger from "the outside" enters Eavin and sells a special ice cream that he claims will magically give people talents and abilities when eaten. The Eavinites try it and, sure enough, begin to notice faculties they did not have before. The mysterious ice cream vendor names P.R. Magenta as the recipe's inventor. But who is this "P.R. Magenta"? And what does his identity mean for the psychological future of the Eavinites? 

Product Specifications
Word Count 3000
File Format Book will be delivered as a PDF download.
Current rating is 2.00. Total votes 2.
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Weak from introduction to denouement.
I thought that I might find this short story interesting.  However, it turned out to be an allegory with very little actual dialogue.  the introduction had no bite at all, nothing to pique the reader's interest.  Character development was all but non-existent., and the narrative arc was incomplete.

In the exposition, the author does a decent job of describing the setting and the protagonist.  Then as we enter the rising action of the story the protagonist (and the only character that was developed) disappears from the story entirely.  As the story climaxes in church the protagonist plays dumb and then changes into the antagonist.  Yes that's right the well spoken paternalistic authoritarian of the town becomes the money grubbing architect of the towns demise.  It simply does not follow that the protagonist and the antagonist could be so completely different.  Add to this that the author completely skipped the falling action and proceeded directly to a very weak and preachy sounding denouement.

There is some talent here but it really lacks proper development.  The author needs to focus more on narrative arc, character development and dialogue.  Also there was overly gratuitous use of personal pronouns which made the already minimal character development  sketchy.  Over all, it would be hard for an editor to do anything with this particular piece of work.

Justin Biggs

From: Justin Biggs | Created on: 10/22/2013 12:16:23 PM

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