Picture of One Last Job

 The story of a girl who loses her twin brother in an horrible accident and has to cope with the consequences.

Product Specifications
Word Count 2552
File Format Book will be delivered as a PDF download.
Current rating is 3.00. Total votes 1.
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One Last Job Thumbnail Review
Hi, I read your story, thought parts of it were very effective.  I think you could hone it down a bit, edit it down, for me less is more.  I like to craft sentences that do a lot of work so you don't have to use so much expository information.  Readers are lazy and they don't like to read a lot, so the stronger your sentences are, the greater hold you'll have on them.  The girl in the story seems a bit unreasonable, hysterical, for a girl used to doing heists for a living.  The guy hotwiring the car shouldn't have to explain himself if he's been doing it for awhile.   Just little things.  Keep up the good work!  Drop by and check out some of my stories, my name is Laine Scheliga.

From: Laine Scheliga | Created on: 10/22/2011 9:55:59 AM

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