Awesome!
Not to sound too much like Gen Y, but this story really was awesome. I loved the details, and you did a great job of keeping the details consistent and building on them for characterization.
You use fragments and really short sentences well. I encourage you to play with the pacing of breaking a couple of those short sentences into their own paragraph.
I grew up in Las Vegas, and even though right now I have four inches of snow in my front yard, I can feel the desert heat off of the pavement.
From:
Anna Lockery
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Created on:
2/19/2012 1:31:46 PM
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Ragged Edge
Good story. Now I want to know which way he turned!
From:
Jan Curran
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Created on:
11/9/2011 10:48:57 AM
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Ragged Edge
The enhancement of a superior story always shows in the writing, and Downes' Anita Shreve imagery makes that possible. And even she couldn't have accomplished more. I found myself anticipating the next simile, the next metaphor, the next symbol as I awaited the conclusion of the story, which didn't disappoint, although not exactly expected either.
It's difficult to imagine how this story could not be the winner in this contest and should certainly be included in some editor's edition of a short story anthology.
I look forward to Richard Downes' next piece of fiction..
From:
Sue R. Odum
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Created on:
7/22/2011 11:23:20 PM
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Like it
Fun, interesting story, enjoyed the ride and felt like I was there. Looked forward to
seeing how it would end.
From:
Fred Fox, Jr
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Created on:
7/8/2011 2:54:06 AM
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