Very enjoyable
I love your voice....you have a definite style and the story moved along at a frantic pace. Not once did I stop reading...so kudos to you for that....plus I kind of liked the bloodthirsty and shocking events too. Quite unexpected.
Critique-wise -- this needs a lot of proofreading, editing for sentence structure, grammar and spelling. Easy enough to do. Show this to someone who knows, and fix it. Then you will have a winner!
From:
Valerie Byron
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Created on:
9/8/2011 6:21:21 PM
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Just a Gentlemans Bet
Kept my attention and thats what I like in a story, regardless of genres! Your story could end in several different ways, the angle you took with that last sentance is very satisfying. LEWIS
From:
L. H. Lewis
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Created on:
7/14/2011 4:30:12 PM
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