Picture of It's All Over Now

A short, yet creepy tale for Zach's Halloween contest.

 

Product Specifications
Word Count 675
File Format Book will be delivered as a PDF download.
Current rating is 4.14. Total votes 7.
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Product reviews
...Or is it?
I like this story James! Definitely creepy. Nice work!

From: Zach Heher | Created on: 10/29/2013 5:20:48 PM

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Problems here...
This is not a story.
OVER NOW as a "story" could have been quite good. There are many issues with the writing here and I am pleased to discuss them in PM...

But to summarize here:
I would strongly suggest you write SLOWER.
Do not fall into the habit of writing "scenes". For "Over Now" is not a story. It is a scene. A story (regardless of length) must contain: an opening, a conflict, and a resolution. This piece does not. It uses 675-words to build a base for a quirky ending. In other words, the piece is written too backwards-forwards and that makes for tepid storytelling (typically).
You seem an extremely prolific script-er but you are not a prolific storyteller for these are not "stories". This tale could have easily used the 3000-words allowed but instead attempts a "quick and dirty" in 600-words!

My suggestion is to not write so fast;
be sure when you do sit to write that you actually have a story. Real stories are VERY difficult to come-up-with..and GOOD stories are even harder.

For me, you are a good writer who lacks a good story.
But it will come.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-gg

From: gg raymond | Created on: 10/9/2013 11:23:47 AM

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It's All Over Now
Interesting idea. Well written.
It seemed a bit rushed.
Perhaps more of a suspense build up.

From: Robert G. Moons | Created on: 10/5/2013 1:19:27 PM

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Crickets
Just enough detail to bring the reader in, then the lights go out and uh-oh.

From: Valormore De Plume | Created on: 10/4/2013 8:05:03 PM

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Review
I had to read this a few times to put my finger on what kept nagging me in the back of my brain on this one. Because if you took each sentence and separated them, by themselves it was well written. But when they were all put together some of them just seemed disconnected from the flow like it was words taken right from someone's mind than a story type setting. Then a few sentences would flow, and it would kind of break up again. I would have liked to have read a little more build up as far as putting me in the story before the climax. And i didnt really understand why she had to marry the guy in the first place, if she was forced i kinda had my mind hung up on wandering why she had to. I guess an example of it being broken up was like when she stepped outside and talked about the crickets then there is a few paragraphs giving background on stuff, next thing you know she's turning off the record. Like the line between whats happening in the story now and what is being explained of past events were blurry as far as being separated. This one is really hard for me to put into words and I apologize for that. Like I said the writing separated from each other was good. I think a few more sentences between them would complete it.

From: James Blackford | Created on: 10/4/2013 6:48:33 PM

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