Picture of Back to School

It's Jimmy first day back at school since his horrific accident. He tries to make friends, but kids can be so cruel.

Product Specifications
Word Count 1995
File Format Book will be delivered as a PDF download.
Current rating is 4.56. Total votes 16.
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Back to School
Way to strike again Lawson, besides the grammar of this story being slightly more sloppy than the other stories of yours that I've read you hit it out of the park for me. Twist after twist the slug rolls over and over in this one. With a little thought into what you've written it is easy to see how easy it was to handle the teachers, btw. This story took two unique twists as the story unfolded, each one making it that much more reeling. Great job once again.

One thing you might want to change right away though is in that very first paragraph, third sentence 'He'd been looking forward to going to back school...' omit excessive to. It might turn away a reader to have such a mistake right away in the piece, I know it drew my attention away from the hook you looking to land.

Again, awesome, creepy story.

From: Mitchell S. Martens | Created on: 6/5/2013 10:37:01 PM

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A Great Twist
When I started reading this story I thought it was going to be about an awkward school kid that had some sort of tragic accident that made everything even worse. That’s a story I would have liked, but this turned out to be much better and far more unique. The twist that occurs about 2/3rds through changes the reader’s perspective completely. I went back and reread a few sentences thinking, “wait, what?”

With each page something new and puzzling is revealed, which keeps the reader engaged. My favorite part is when it is revealed that Jim has taken the little girl’s hair ties to keep as a souvenir of his field trip.

The only thing I didn’t understand was why the main character had bloody hands in the cafeteria. Was he hallucinating? Was this a flashback to the earlier incident at the same school?

Very good.

From: Stanton McCaffery | Created on: 5/6/2013 11:23:29 AM

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A bit weak
The story was well written, but I thought the story was weak overall, in that it required too much suspension of disbelief that a 30 something loony would be mistaken for a fourth grader.  Until that revelation, I thought you were taking the story to some place I would want to go.  I didn’t get the warm stabbing feeling, nor did I understand the significance of the sea gulls.  It is not clear to me if the boiler room thing was an accident or not.  Apparently not, if Jim has been locked up for twenty years.  But what was his reason, if it was not an accident?  I thought the dialog with the police and the Dr. was a bit lackluster, having a "let's get this story over with" pace, and was unlikely to be a plausible recounting of a real scene of that kind.  Why would they throw the book at him “this time” and execute him, when “this time” he didn’t commit a crime, except to escape?

I’ll tackle “Of Milk and Tupelo Honey” next.

From: Derryl Berry | Created on: 4/17/2013 3:24:33 PM

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School
This piece had good form and built a fair share of suspense but I felt there were some inconsistencies and grammatical issues that don’t really allow the whole story to come through the way I imagine you were shooting for here.

From: William Barrett | Created on: 2/24/2013 6:46:58 PM

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Pretty good
This Jimmy guy must be pretty short for his age.

From: James Thies | Created on: 2/24/2013 1:25:16 PM

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Back to the Hospital
This story is good, but I was confused along the way by some of the facts. Some of these facts may have been hints of what was to follow, but the hints could have been strong without being confusing. I'll send you a pm with examples of what I mean.

From: Perry Palin | Created on: 2/24/2013 1:21:06 PM

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Back to School
This story gave me chills down my spine! Very well written.

From: Phoebe Polanski | Created on: 2/22/2013 5:35:36 PM

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Back to School
The story was good, but your indenting needs to be consistent.

From: James Hold | Created on: 2/20/2013 5:47:06 PM

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Back to School
Another great story Lawson! I love the simplistic style of this story. You never seem to disappoint!

From: Maude Ellen | Created on: 2/20/2013 12:41:24 PM

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