Not bad
It could still use a bit of work. The storyline was very creative, but I would suggest a bit more work on your grammar.
From:
Aaron Chain
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Created on:
3/6/2013 12:18:23 AM
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Decent...
I'll admit this is a big improvement from your previous stories. At least this time the story wasn't in every single genre. The dialogue was good and the writing was decent.
On to some improvements needed in the story: try to be a little clear on the setting and detail of the story.
Also what confused me is how did the character know how to speak "lion" language?
From:
Zach Heher
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Created on:
2/20/2013 11:38:17 AM
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